Beyond the Shattered Looking Glass
by Mechanical Infection
Summary: After Delia's tragic death Ash's life dissolves into a complete nightmare inevitably leading him to his suicide.
1. Chapter 1

The Ketchum residence was usually a calm, cheerful and quiet place but on the present night it was anything but. Ash stormed across the hall and once inside of his room he slammed the door as hard as he could not caring whether the door would brake. Ash was furious. Pikachu stood outside of his room and stared at the door curiously. Delia, Ash's mom, stormed up the stairs and tightly gripped the doorknob but as she tried to turn it she realized Ash had locked himself in.

Delia was furious at Ash.

He had awoken at 4:50 in the morning to go out with his friends leaving behind a note which only stated that he was going to be out all day long and had no idea when he would return. When Delia read the note she was crushed and angry at the same time.

Ash, Brock, May, Max, Tracy, Todd, Gary and even Misty had gathered in Pallet Town for a small reunion, not to mention Ash wanted to see his mother very badly. But ever since Ash arrived he had only been interested in hanging out with his friends.

Delia was crushed for Ash had promised that for the entire day they would hang out all day long to talk and catch up. When Ash returned at a quarter past midnight Delia asked him why he had canceled on her and so the fight between mother and son erupted.

Delia knocked on the door as she said, "Ash, you open this door right now!"

"No!" Ash barked back at his mother. Delia knocked again but Ash simply knocked back hard.

"You know what? I'm going out by myself since you don't seem to want to hang around me."

"It's after midnight, stupid!"

Delia, Pikachu and even Mr. Mime, who had heard the shouts from the kitchen and came running, gasped in shock from hearing Ash call his mother 'stupid'. Delia groaned loudly and stormed down the stairs. Ash then opened the door and walked down the stairs. At the front door Delia and Ash shot daggers at each other by the stares they gave each other. Pikachu followed Ash and Mr. Mime followed Delia.

Delia headed off in the direction of Viridian Forest while Ash headed off in the opposite direction. Delia noticed that Mr. Mime was running behind her so she turned around and said.

"No, Mimie, I need you to stay and look after the house."

"Mr. Mime!" Agreed the Pokemon as it smiled but Delia was just too upset to smile back so she simply turned around and walked away.

"Pika pi!" Pikachu called out to Ash who stopped dead in his tracks and said in a very serious tone, "Stay in the house."

"Pi pika pi…"

Ash sighed deeply and slowly turned his gaze towards the electric mouse and said firmly, "I said, 'stay in the house!'"

"Chu?" Pikachu could tell Ash was infuriated and that he wanted to be alone so it turned around and trotted back to the house. Ash walked on as he slipped his hands into his pockets. He knew his mother was right but his stubborn attitude and the fact that he was angry prevented him from thinking straight. Ash figured a walk would cool him off and as soon as he and his mother were both out of their angry state they could talk things over.

After an hour and a half Ash had decided to walk back to his house since he had cooled down and was now able to confront his mother without bursting into another rage attack. He had walked as far as he could but his legs were getting tired and for some reason he just knew he had to get home. After a while Ash could see Professor Oak's lab meaning that just around was his house and hopefully his mom would be there as well. Ash walked on and just as his house was on sight so was a huge crowd of people. Ash found this odd so he picked up the pace to fin out what was going on.

As soon as Ash came over to the huge crowd in front of his house he saw the front door was wide open but he could not see all too well for the crowd would move blocking his view. After trying to see he began to move forward making his way towards the front door but as he moved and people saw him they fell silent.

Ash noticed this but paid little attention to it. Once he managed to squeeze out of the crowd he saw all of his friends and Professor Oak standing in the front door. The look in their faces was deathly and the red in their eyes pointed out to the obvious action of crying. Once they saw Ash May gasped as she put her hand on her chest in an action of surprise but at the same time fear.

Ash stood in the garden wondering why they were acting the way they were. From behind Professor Oak came Officer Jenny with an even more deathly look upon her face. Both Jenny and Oak walked over to Ash while Brock and the others remained sitting at the front door weeping. Ash's breathing became accelerated as Oak and Jenny approached him. He knew something bad had happened but he was about to find out just how bad it really was.

Professor Oak sniffled a bit as he placed his hand on Ash's shoulder and Officer Jenny kneeled down so that she would be looking right into Ash's eyes. Ash's fear was now growing much faster. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster as the seconds became minutes and the minutes became hours. Finally Officer Jenny spoke as the crowd fell silent.

"Ash…this is not easy for me to say but…there was an accident."

Ash gasped a little as he wondered what kind of accident happened and whoever it was he knew that Officer Jenny knew that Ash and the person she was about to mention were close so it made it even harder for him to even breathe. Officer Jenny lowered her gaze since looking into Ash's eyes knowing she was about to destroy his entire world was too much of a burden for her.

"There was a man driving his car and he was drunk…" Those pauses were what were killing him, he _needed_ to know who had been in an accident but at the same time he didn't want to know in order to avoid the painful knowledge. Suddenly he gasped loudly and looked at the front door as he asked the one question they all feared he would ask.

"Where's mom? Where…where is she?"

Officer Jenny closed her eyes shut and Ash began to breathe unevenly as he looked at her and then back at Professor Oak. Ash began to tremble as he saw May and Misty holding each other as they wept and saw Brock and Gary lowering their gazes in a gloomy matter. It was all falling apart but what made it worse was when Ash laid eyes on Pikachu and Mr. Mime as both Pokemon wept.

"Tell me she's inside. I need to hear it, tell me my mother is in the house safe and sound. Please…I'm begging you."

Officer Jenny knew Ash's mom personally, they just spoke from time to time whenever she would visit Viridian City which was often. Telling her only son grave news as the one she was about to drop on him made her cry. Ash's eyes were beginning to water as he noticed no one would tell him where his mother was.

"Ash listen to me, a man was driving drunk along the road to Viridian Forest and your mother— "

"No! No, no, no! That's not true! That's not---You're lying!"

Ash struggled to back away from Jenny and Oak but Jenny wrapped her arms around him tightly while Oak held his hand. Ash kept screaming and trying to break lose but Oak and Jenny would not let him go. Brock, May, Max, Tracy, Todd, Gary and Misty couldn't help but run over to him and hold him as tight as they could.

Ash wanted to break away from the group and run as fast and as far as his legs could carry him but the more he struggled and yelled the tighter they held him. After a while Ash finally clamed down and dropped to his knees as he began to cry.

That fateful night had ruined a life and damaged many more but just how much was that life ruined and how those other lives were affected? Everyone would soon find out.

The following day Ash ruled out as the worst one of his entire life. He had not slept at all and spent the entire night sobbing and trying to overcome the overwhelming guilt that seemed to swallow him. The last words he had said to his mother circled his mind and haunted him to the point where he would break down and cry. At times the feelings got so intense he bit the pillow he wept on.

Professor Oak and Officer Jenny knew Ash was crushed so they handled all the dreadful arraignments for the funeral so he wouldn't have to go through more than he needed. They thought it better to just get it over with quickly.


	2. Chapter 2

Professor Oak and Officer Jenny knew Ash was crushed so they handled all the dreadful arraignments for the funeral so he wouldn't have to go through more than he needed. They thought it better to just get it over with quickly.

In the outskirts of Pallet Town there was a hill barely anyone visited and for a good reason too. It was the cemetery. After the funeral Ash did absolutely nothing. He had not left his bed in five days and barely said a word. The most he would say was "yes", "no" or shrug and none of his sentences had more than ten words in them. This of course worried Oak and his friends.

They did everything they could to get him to talk more and barely left him alone. Deep inside all Ash wanted to do was wake up from the horrid nightmare he was living but he knew it was not a nightmare. That cruel reality plus the fact that the very last words he said to his mother haunted him just kept sinking him into a deep hole. Not only that but the fact that no one would live him be for more than twenty minutes was really starting to bother him. He only wanted to be left alone so he could sleep.

On the seventh morning Professor Oak, May, Max, Brock and Gary were at Ash's house thinking up new ways to get Ash back to them. They were very worried; to the best of their knowledge the last thing he had eaten was a small sandwich not three days ago. Not only that but he had stopped talking altogether. Now he would just either shake his head or lift his shoulders.

Gary was never what anyone would call a "good friend" but he knew better and he knew Ash was in a lot of pain but Gary was not a very patient person so he made a small suggestion. "Drag him out of bed. Force him even."

"Gary…" Brock interrupted seeing as how he felt Gary's approach might be a little too harsh. May also agreed.

"Don't you think that's a bit rash?"

"He's been in bed for a week now, he stopped talking and he's barely eating---"

"He stopped eating two days ago." Max interrupted seeing as how Gary was misinformed about Ash's condition.

"You see? I know it may seem rash but maybe it's time we stopped baby-talking him into getting out of that room. He's been festering in there for days, it's not healthy."

"Maybe you're right. It could be worth a shot." Brock added in his opinion after thinking it over and agreed that perhaps a slight rash action towards Ash would help him in the long run. Max agreed as well but May could barely believe her ears so she stood up from the couch and firmly said, "I can't believe you guys! His mother just died, give him a break!"

"Please," Said Professor Oak, "Don't shout. There's no need for it. Now, I agree with both May and Gary. Yes, we realize he has just lost his mother but look at him. He's headed for a very wrong road and one we _have_ to help him divert from."

May still didn't like the idea of rushing Ash into "recovery" but the majority won so she had no choice but to give in, she did however follow them upstairs to make sure their idea was not too rash for Ash's sake. The group of friends walked up stairs quietly as if sneaking. On the second floor they walked over to Ash's room and slowly opened the door.

A burst of cold air hit them and a chill came over each of them. The room was dark since all the windows had been closed shut. In front of them was the bed and they could see a figure on it. The covers covered all of Ash's body but on top of his stomach was Pikachu who woke up when Professor Oak and the others stood next to Ash.

"Pika…" The small mouse sighed as it looked at everyone. Professor Oak put his index finger over his mouth and shushed the brightly colored Pokemon. Pikachu was both confused and concerned since it had no idea what was going on. Brock and Gary moved away and headed for the hallway and walked into the bathroom.

Once Oak heard the shower running Max, May and himself removed the covers from Ash and grabbed him tightly but gently. Once they got a good enough grip the three of them dragged Ash into the bathroom and quickly shoved him under the cold flowing water. During all of this Ash had not said anything nor did he try to break away from their hands. But as soon as the cold water hit him he began to struggle. Ash felt completely numb and felt rather weak but somehow he managed to gather enough strength to break away from the group.

Everyone froze in amazement since they figured he had not eaten in days so he would barely have any strength but they had just been proven wrong. Ash, completely soaking wet, walked out of the shower and stood in the door way looking at his room on the other side of the hallway. Ash hung his head and slowly turned his gaze towards his friends.

His eyes once full of joy and life were now vast spaces full of emptiness. The shine and spark that made Ash who he was had been eclipsed by a shadow and a quiet, sad figure of his former self had taken its place. It seemed that all he was, his dreams, his joys and hopes had died inside of him. Without a word or at the least a facial expression he turned around and walked back into his room never bothering to even dry himself off.

As soon as the door closed May stepped forward but Pikachu jumped out of nowhere and stood in her path. Its eyes angry from the brute act it had just witnessed. Pikachu growled as its cheeks spat out tiny sparks of electricity that danced wildly around its whole face warning them not to go near Ash again.

"Pi….kaaaa!"

May gasped but she understood, Pikachu was only protecting his friend from further pain but the pain that had been inflicted upon him was too great to be surpassed by anything else. The group looked at each other sadly and one by one walked out of the bathroom and headed back downstairs. All except for May who stood in the doorway looking at the room's door.

Pikachu let its guard down seeing as how it was only May and she did not look like she wanted to drag Ash out of his room again. May finally walked up to the door of Ash's room and gently placed her hand upon it and whispered in a sad tone, "Forgive us…"

Early in the morning Professor Oak, Brock and Gary had met at the lab since Professor Oak had called the two older boys over to discuss something he had been thinking all through out the night. May remained in the house along with Max and Ash. She awoke and as she passed through the hallway she saw Pikachu asleep in front of Ash's room as if on guard duty. May had in her hands a small bowl of food for Pikachu and a little something for Ash.

She placed the small bowl next to Pikachu and as soon as the smell hit its nose it woke up and smiled at May. It stood up and began to eat as May petted it. Once it was finished May looked at the door and looked down at Pikachu and said, "Oh, he must be starving."

"Pika…" Pikachu said as it lowered its ears in a sad notion.

"Mind if I hand this to him?"

"Pi pikachu." Pikachu uttered as it agreed to let her through so she could go in. May slowly went for the doorknob but stopped as she grasped it in her hands. She was afraid to go in. After what they did yesterday she found it rather hard to look at Ash or even try to go upstairs. May sighed sadly and put the breakfast down on the floor and walked away.

Pikachu could tell she was upset. The small mouse looked at the tray and then at May as she walked down the stairs. May sighed once more but was then startled as Pikachu jumped on her shoulder and hugged her. She returned the hug sweetly and both of them gave each other a bitter sweet smile. May decided not to stay indoors and just sit around in the garden to take her mind off of things.

Out in the garden the bed of white roses and Orchids was slowly dying. May sighed impatiently at the sight as she tried her best not to let them die out but sadly she did not have a green thumb unlike Delia. May looked away from the flowers and further ahead saw Max playing with her Skitty and Ash's Snorunt. She smiled at the sight and looked at Pikachu who also smiled as he stood on her shoulder the way it would usually do on Ash's shoulder.

May was about to step out but froze in shock when she heard a shower running. Both May and Pikachu looked t each other as their eyes widened.

"_Ash, he's out of bed."_ May thought as soon as she heard the shower so both her and Pikachu raced back into the house and ran up the stairs but as soon as she was in the hallway the look of joy in her face vanished since the bathroom in the hallway had the door wide open and there was no one inside.

However May could still hear the sound of water splashing about but it was deeper down the hall. She slowly walked down the hall and came to the last door which was Delia's room. Once in front of the door the sound of water intensified and May sighed. Ash was in his mother's room and was taking a shower in the bathroom of that room. She tried to open the door but it was locked.

"So much for hoping…"

May turned back and headed down the hallway and looked down at the tray she had put out for Ash and saw that it remained untouched. Obviously he was not interested in anything else but sleeping and remaining locked in his room all by himself. She took the tray and went back downstairs.

After cleaning the tray up May sat down on the couch and Pikachu sat on her lap.

"I hope he's all right."

"Pikachu."

After a few minutes passed May had fallen asleep on the couch and Pikachu fell asleep next to her. She had barely slept the night before worrying over Ash and what was to become of him now that he had this reality to deal with. Some twenty minutes later May slowly opened her eyes and gazed up at the TV which she had left on. She looked up at the clock on the wall and saw that she had fallen asleep for some twenty minutes and then realized that the shower had stopped running.

May quickly sat back up and accidentally woke Pikachu up. It saw that May was headed upstairs so the small Pokemon decided to follow her. Both of them quietly walked across the hallway and once they stopped at the room they noticed that the door was slightly open. May's face lit up with joy and walked in but stopped at the doorway.

Ash was sitting on his knees on the floor, his back facing May and a ripping sound was heard throughout the room. May and Pikachu froze and wondered what that sound was. They both took three steps forward and May, even though she knew Ash wasn't going to talk to her, asked if he was all right.

"Ash…are you all right?"

"No," Finally after so many days Ash had spoken but in a sad tone and his voice was trembling, "nothing is all right and it'll never be all right again."

"No, that's not true. Listen, it'll all be okay. We'll help you out through this." May said in a sad and sympathetic tone. She was going to walk over and hug him but she stopped when she once more heard the ripping sound. Now May was concerned. She walked over to Ash and as she looked over his shoulder she saw he was holding a knife and with it tearing apart a plush Teddiursa. Ash ripped the plush wide open and was now tearing at its insides with the knife.

"Look, I spoke to Ana last night and she recommends these."

Back at Professor Oak's lab Brock and Gary were called to discuss some important issues concerning Ash. After a week Oak determined that Ash would not recover easily or quickly so they had to think about his Pokemon and effective ways of helping him. The woman Oak spoke about was Ana, a psychologist who specialized in teenagers. Ash being fourteen years old he fit the criteria. Oak explained Ash's behavior to Ana and she made a small diagnosis about him. Of course, not being able to observe him herself made it a bit impossible to pin point whether Ash's behavior was due to his mother's death or perhaps the start of a long trip into depression.

Oak had suggested that Ash stay under Ana's supervision for a week in order to determine anything but Brock and Gary were skeptic. Both of them agreed that it had only been a week and he had not done anything extreme to others or to himself. They disagreed but in truth Professor Oak had called them to tell them, not ask for an opinion on the matter.

"Professor Oak!"

Max ran through the front door running with his arms in front of him as if trying to reach out for anyone. Max stopped when he was next to Oak and said as he tried to catch his breath, "He…quick…Ash is…"

Max did not need to say anymore. Just mentioning Ash's name and the way Max ran up to the lab were signs that something was wrong. Terribly wrong. Oak, Brock, Gary and Max took off back to the house and once they were close they could see Mr. Mime and Pikachu outside in the garden waving at them in a notion to hurry. Oak, Brock and Gary ran past the door while Max stayed behind with the Pokemon.

Once inside the house they looked around the living room and saw no one so they figured whatever was going on was happening upstairs so they all rushed up. Once up in the second floor they saw May standing a few feet away from Delia's room. The look in her eyes was of sheer terror. Brock grabbed her by the arm and asked if she was all right. He could feel she was trembling badly.

"May, are you all right? What happened!"

"May, where's Ash?"

Before anyone could do anything else there was a loud crashing sound coming from within the room. It sounded like glass breaking so Professor Oak, Brock and Gary ran for the door and tried to open it but it was locked. Oak kept turning the doorknob while Brock and Gary knocked on the door telling Ash to open the door.

Meanwhile, inside Ash had taken the knife he had used to tear the plush toy and shattered a mirror that was attached to a wooden drawer. It was an elegant piece, the wood was pine and it was gently carved to create an illustrious accent to any room it would be placed in. The room itself was simple yet its simplicity shrieked sheer elegance. The walls were a bone white, the glass windows covered by flowing curtains which almost seemed like veils covering a young bride's face. Other than the drawer with the shattered mirror and the bed placed next to it there was a closet on the wall where one of the windows faced.

Ash stood frozen a few feet from the mirror the knife tightly grasped in one hand while the other one formed a tight fist. His breathing was shallow and his heart was racing. He stood in front of one of the windows and since it was open the gentle wind quietly picked up the soft curtains. They wrapped themselves around Ash's shoulders and would cover up part of his face whenever the wind would blow with enough strength.

Ash just stood there, his eyes gazing into the shattered glass as if looking into it for answers or at the very least a small comfort from the pain and guilt. The last words he had yelled at his mother haunted him from the very minute he found out she was gone. His mother would no longer pick up the phone whenever he would call home to let her know where he was, her warm and caring smile would no longer comfort him whenever he felt insecure, her eyes so full of life and love would never shine again nor would he ever be able to jump into her arms just to simply give her a hug.

As Ash thought, this tears silently but quickly ran down his cheeks. The guilt was overwhelming and his thoughts mainly circled around questions such as What if she had never walked out that door? What is he would have simply spent one day with her? What if he had stopped her from walking out? What if he hadn't called her stupid…?

Those questions were eating away at him inside, he felt his heart skip a few beats as he chocked on his own breath as he tried to keep the tears from flowing out. He kept starring into the shattered glass and wept more as his mind kept circling around those last words and those questions never really hearing Professor Oak, Brock and Gary asking him to open the door.

Suddenly the door burst open and with Gary and Brock almost falling flat on their faces from the amount of strength they had put into the smashing. Professor Oak quickly walked in but froze when he saw the knife in Ash's hands. The worst crossed his mind but he quickly dismissed it once he saw the knife was clean. Oak slowly reached into his left pocket of his coat and got out a small bottle of pills. It was a high dose of tranquilizer pills given to him by Ana.

Brock and Gary had gathered themselves and saw the situation at hand and remained still waiting to see what Oak would do. With his hand Oak signaled the boys to go around him and so they did. Meanwhile Professor Oak opened the bottle and retrieved two pills as he calmly spoke to Ash.

"Ash? Are you okay?"

Ash simply hung his head and shook his head.

"I need you to do me a favor. Drop the knife for me, all right? Please?" As Oak spoke to him he slowly crept over to Ash as Brock and Gary did the same. Ash knew they were gaining up on him and were most likely to try and hold him in case he would try to use the knife on them or himself so he saved them all the trouble by tossing the knife up in the air and catching it by the sharp end and handing it to Gary who was the closest.

This surprised them all and even more when Ash picked up the slashed plush toy and held it close. The plush toy had a lot of meaning and Oak, Brock and Gary knew it.

When Ash was six years old he crept into his mom's room looking for birthday presents which he knew well where she hid them. Always in the same spot, in her closet behind some old boxes. Ash moved some of the boxes out of the way but as he did he accidentally opened one of them and a rather old Teddiursa plush popped out. Ash found it amusing even though it was so old so he took it and went outside to play with it.

During that time it had rained and the ground was oozing with mud and Ash went outside with the plush toy in his hands. Hours later Delia had called Ash and when he came over she saw her old plush toy ruined. She was upset since it had been a dear gift but Ash was only six years old at the time so she just gave it to him. Even though he was young at the time he understood perfectly well that his mother was very attached to the toy.

Ash of course then snuck into the house and cleaned up the plush toy but it was still a little ruined from the scraps it received from the harsh horse play in the mud. He then ran to the only other person he knew he could count on, Professor Oak. Both of them fixed up the toy and then the next day Delia awoke to find Ash in the doorway holding her old plush toy all clean looking like new with a little yellow ribbon tied around its neck.

Delia was delighted to see her old plush toy looking like brand new but she felt bad taking it away from Ash since he looked like he had a fancy for it so she kneeled down and said in her ever so sweet voice.

"How about we both hold on to the toy? It can be yours and mine. What do you say?"

That memory brought back a sick feeling to Ash's stomach. He felt like throwing up but it wasn't something serious. He held the plush toy closely and walked away but Professor Oak stopped him.

"Eh…Ash, we need to talk."

"Just…leave me alone…" Ash spoke for the first time in days. Oak was comforted by the thought that Ash would still speak when aggravated but he was still very worried about him. He knew very well that if Ash would not deal with the situation it could lead to grave problems.


	3. Chapter 3

Professor Oak watched as Ash walked away with his head hung and a sudden urge came over him. As Ash passed by Oak he placed his hand on Ash's shoulder and looked at him seriously as he said in the softest tone, "We really need to talk." A single tear fell from Ash's eye as he hugged the plush toy tighter as he looked at it.

"Come on lad."

Professor Oak had taken Ash to a town outside of Pallet Town. Ana had a facility outside of Manchester Town where she was expecting Professor Oak and Ash. Professor Oak had pulled up in front of a gray building with glass doors at the front, it was three stories high and a young woman was standing in front of the doors. The young woman was short, had green hair which was up on a donut as several flicks of her hair fell on her eyes. She was wearing a gray skirt that fell a little under her knees, a gray suit that for some reason annoyingly blended into the background of the building she was standing in front of.

The young woman fixed her glasses and walked towards Professor Oak and Ash as they descended from the car. Ash looked around in despise, the only thing he wanted to do was to just lie in bed and forget about the rest of the world until he could feel he was ready to care about anything else. But to be fair with himself he had not given "caring" a second thought since the only thing in his mind was what had happened to his mother and still those haunting words.

Ana stood several feet from Ash and walked with Oak as both of them walked towards the building. _"Why can't they just leave me alone_?" Ash thought to himself as he watched the two adults walk away slowly. He wanted to just stop and scream his lungs out and run as far as he could, that thought had become more and more solid by the minute.

"_Run away…"_

"Ash, come on." Professor Oak said as he and Ana turned to look at him. Ash was standing in front of the car thinking whether to run away or not. He thought about running away to a place where he could just feel safe and be by himself so he could deal with the situation as best as he could. Ash knew Professor Oak and the others were worried but he simply wanted to be left alone, all he could picture himself doing was just to lay in bed and sleep. Sleep until he could be ready to face the world again or not.

Ash had to be honest with him at least; he did not care about anything else for the time being. It was as if he had locked all of his feelings and the ability to feel in an old chest he kept buried and hidden away from the light.

"_Run away…and don't come back…"_

Ash took a step back and as soon as Professor Oak and Ana saw him step back they readied themselves in case Ash would run. It felt like time itself had stopped and looking at one another were the three of them staring at each other as if studying what move they would make.

Without a second thought Ash took off quickly and ran towards Pallet Town. H e wanted to go home; he wanted to be somewhere he knew was safe and comforting even though the memories were too painful to withstand.

Professor Oak and Ana took off after him to stop him but Professor Oak in his older years was soon caught breathless but Ana who had to deal with troubled teenagers knew they always ran away from time to time. Ana was running after Ash as fast as she could but alas it was not fast enough for a few minutes later she lost track of him as both of them had entered into the forest.

Ana watched as Ash fled and disappeared into the blackness of the forest. She stopped and leaned on a tree as she tried to catch her breath. Soon after Professor Oak had caught up with Ana but once he looked at her he knew Ash had gotten away. They _had_ to find him, for his own sake.

"Quick, call Officer Jenny while I alert everyone else."

"Yes, Professor."

Professor Oak ran towards the car while Ana ran back inside the building to call Officer Jenny. They only hoped that they could find Ash before something bad would happen and even though Oak tried to deny it as much as he could the sight of Ash holding the knife and staring blankly into the shattered mirror was all too disturbing and it only made him think.

"_No, not Ash. No matter how bad things got he would never—oh, stop it Sam!"_

Meanwhile Ash was running as fast as his legs could carry him. He thought about going back to his room but knowing Oak and the others would come looking for him he decided to turn somewhere else. Somewhere he knew would buy him a few minutes of peace and quiet.

"What? You can't be serious! Do you know where he could be?" Brock shouted into the phone as the grave news of Ash's running spread through out Pallet Town and Viridian City. Brock, May and Max remained in Ash's house until things would cool down and they could decide what to do next.

"We're looking everywhere," Officer Jenny said on the other line, "But we have no idea where he has gone. We've searched everywhere. He couldn't have gone out of Pallet Town."

"No…he's here somewhere. We've just got to keep looking." As he said that he looked at May and Max as they both nodded in determination to help find their friend. Pikachu also stepped forward and nodded as well as Mr. Mime.

Once Brock hung up the phone he turned to the two younger kids and said as he unpacked his Pokemon and released them to ask for their help, "May, let your Pokemon out and Max let Ash's out."

The two kids nodded and did as Brock told them to do. May released Beautyfly, Skitty, Cumbusken and Munchlax. Max released Grovyle, Snorunt, Swellow, Corphish, and Torkoal and of course Pikachu jumped into the pack. Brock also released his Pokemon and a huge group of Pokemon stood before the trainers and awaited orders.

"Guys we need each and every single one of you to help us find Ash before something bad happens to him. We don't know where exactly he could be but we _must_ try and find him and fast."

The herd of Pokemon wailed in agreement which gave Brock and May a bit of hope seeing as how they should prepare for a long search. Soon the huge group set out in search of Ash.

As night's last breath sighed softly through Pallet Town a gentle orchestra of rain fell over the town. It was a beautiful morning. The wild yet tranquil colors in the heavens painted an enchanting canvas. The baby blues and pinks danced an ethereal waltz with the soft purples and yellows as well as the soft and pale oranges. A most inspiring view indeed. The wind was picking up speed but not at a brute force, it was gentle enough to caress one's skin but its presence was felt. The sun was yet too shy too peak through the mountain tops of Pallet Town but its light was becoming noticeable giving a guiding light to all in the land.

To all except for a certain young boy with nothing left in his life. At least that's how Ash felt. He felt as if everything had been taken away and it felt as if it was his very own fault.

"Hi mom…," Ash softly said as he placed one hand on his mother's tombstone and used the other to support his weight as he kneeled in front of the grave and looked into the stone which represented his mother, "…um…I know it's too late but I just wanted to tell you that I—"

Ash chocked in his own breath as he tried his hardest to keep the tears back so he could clearly see his mother's name carved into the cold stone. The words he wanted to say were echoing in the back of his mind causing the tears he so badly wanted to keep away fall. Ash whimpered as he removed his hand from the tombstone and placed it in front of his mouth. He silently wept as he sniffled trying to clear his mind so that the words he needed to say were said.

"I did want to spend the day with you. I never wanted to—to hurt you. Much less did I want…this to happen." The warm tears fell down his cold cheeks and Ash felt his entire body tremble not from the cold but from something else. Something he could not explain, something he had never felt before.

"Oh…you're not stupid and you never were. _I_ was being stupid…and selfish and arrogant." Ash swallowed hard as he shut his eyes and once more placed his hand on the tombstone. He leaned in closer and said in a whisper, "I'd give _anything_ to have you come back…"

Those words were the hardest to say for he knew there was nothing he could do to bring his mother back. Ash gasped loudly as he tried not to choke on his own breath and tears. He sighed in a shuddering kind of way as he said the next set of words as another set of tears fell from his eyes.

"Mom, I am so…so sorry. I didn't mean it; I swear I didn't mean it!"

The wind blew and his hair flew in all sorts of directions. The cold breeze set a chill down his spine as a horrid thought crossed his mind despite what he had been taught about it. Ash had always been a stubborn person and never quit easily but this was something he had burned into his heart. The guilt was slowly tearing him inside and even though he had been in pain before this pain he could not subside. This newly found pain, he knew very well, was going to be the end of him for he could not see a way out. Except for the one he had been considering for a few days.

Ash looked directly into the tombstone and said in a sweet and gentle tone, "I can't stay here. Not anymore…"

Ash slowly stood up as he kept looking into his mother's final resting place. At his feet was the torn Teddiursa he had slashed in rage. He picked it up and for the first time in what felt like a long time ago he smiled. The smile was full of hope but it was a hope of high levels but not of overcoming. Ash gently placed the Teddiursa plush toy in front of the tombstone and saw as it leaned its back on it. The smile faded from his face and emptiness conquered it once more.

Ash stood there for a few minutes, his back facing the now rising sun. The sky had become gray with a few streaks of light coming from the sun as it tried its best to break through the gloomy clouds running about in the sky. The breeze suddenly picked up and the grass on the cemetery hill danced in the most morbid way Ash had ever seen. Everything about that morning felt morbid and even more so as he careful planned his next and final move.

Ash turned around and headed back for his house to where he knew he could hide away safely. He took two small steps but then froze as he hung his head and lowered his gaze at the grass. He felt the breeze pick up speed and felt as the rain intensified and fell on him. Ash sighed deeply and said in a sad and trembling voice, "…love you mom…"

After he said those final words Ash slowly made his way towards his house which he had hoped would be empty. As he walked he kept his head hung and quietly hummed a lullaby his mother sang whenever he felt down. The walk from the cemetery to his house was short but it felt longer. All through out he kept humming the lullaby in a soft tone as every single place he passed by reminded him of a memory of his childhood with his mother.

Everywhere he looked the ghosts of the past cried out to him, stabbing him in the heart with a fond memory of his mother. Her warm smile in midsummer as they walked around the fields, her playfulness as they played hide and seek in the town, the messes they would make whenever they sat down on the hills as they ate ice cream and watched the sunset over the mountains. And all of that was now gone.

Ash shuddered and bit his lower lip as he tried to keep a steady tone as he hummed the lullaby, remembering every single word of it. Finally he came face to face with his house. Ash looked at the dying garden of Roses and Orchids, the sight of it set his mood even deeper and his decision firmer.

Ash walked into the garden and opened the front door never bothering to close it behind him. Once inside the house he could swear he heard his mother's voice since she always told him to wipe his feet whenever coming in from the rain and muddy ground.

Ash walked on and headed towards the living room. The TV was off and he remembered how every Friday night both of them would sit on the couch and watch movies while snacking on popcorn. As he passed through the house the pain deepened and his tears flowed even more. Ash made his way up the stairs as he remembered that night where he lost everything.

He walked down the hall and walked into his mother's room. Everything felt so empty but the feeling of safe was still there as he remembered when on stormy nights he would race across the hall and jump into bed and hide under the covers as his mom kept him safe from the thunder and lightning.

Ash stood in front of the shattered looking glass and stared deeply into it. On the drawer he saw a piece of glass had fallen and he noticed it was sharp. Perfect for what he had in mind. Ash grabbed the piece of glass as he kept staring into the mirror. The shattered image of himself was what he was searching for when he first stared into it the day before.

With the piece of glass firmly in his right hand he lifted his left arm and placed the glass over his wrist. Ash swallowed hard and slowly began to rip through his flesh. Ash's breathing became fast as the pain got worse but the worse the pain got the deeper he would sink the piece of glass so that he would not be able to be saved if found before his departure.

The blood flowed rapidly and circled the back of his hand and fell on the floor. To all of this he still kept his eyes placed on the shattered looking glass. After Ash reached the other side of his wrist he dropped both arms and the piece of glass hit the floor as his blood spattered on the glass. Regretting he did not feel a need to explain to his dear friends he thought of the next best thing.

Ash gripped his left wrist with his right hand and walked towards the looking glass. He wrote a simple statement in crimson letters which read:

_I'm sorry_

With that Ash felt dazed and collapsed onto the floor. The blood loss was rapidly taking its toll and Ash felt as his last minutes were drawing closer. He was feeling weak and rather cold but he still managed to turn sideways so that he would face the ceiling, he placed his fatally wounded hand on his stomach and felt as his blood adorned his shirt. Ash felt as his life was slowly drifting away and as he waited he softly sang the lullaby in a weak tone.

"Stay by my side, don't stray and hide…soon we'll be…in each…other's…arms…"


End file.
